Love and Darkness
by cosmicwriter
Summary: After things go horribly wrong on a routine away mission, Trip feels that he has betrayed the person he loves most. T'Pol doesn't see things the same way.


Title: Love and Darkness

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the star trek characters or anything.

Archive: Yes.

Summary: Trip and T'Pol go on a routine away mission, and encounter an unexpected twist. The repercussions weigh heavily on Trip.

Spoilers: I don't think there are any.

A/N- I consider this a kind of dark fic, but that's just my opinion. Anything quoted in * is Trip and T'Pol speaking through the bond. In one scene T'Pol is speaking in Vulcan and it will be italicized because I don't speak Vulcan. You'll know it when you hit it. I don't think this is set in any particular time, but Trip and T'Pol are a couple, because that's really the only why you can do it. Hope you enjoy the story!

=/\=

Phlox and a group of medical personnel rushed T'Pol into sickbay, Captain Archer, Lieutenant Reed, and Commander Tucker following close behind. T'Pol's body was unmoving on the gurney.

"Her heart rate and blood pressure are too high. Her temperature is up too." Phlox looked at Trip. "What did they give her?" he demanded while his medical assistants moved T'Pol's body from the gurney to a biobed.

"I don't know. It was purple," Trip said frantically.

"You're going to have to be a little bit more specific, Commander."

"They said it was some type of Andorian drug… it made her really sensitive to touch and light and noise."

"Anything else?" the Doctor prompted.

"If I knew what it was I would tell you!" Trip shouted. "They never said what it was called."

Phlox nodded and conveyed everything Trip had told him to the closest medic. She went to a computer console and started searching for the drug.

A moment later she found it. "It's called Thvalac. There have been no reported cases of death attributed to the drug. It has, however, been used extensively on Vulcans. During the Vulcan and Andorian war the drug was used to… "enhance" torture techniques. Commander T'Pol's symptoms coincide with the reported norm for the drug. According to the database her body functions will return to normal over the course of the next couple hours. However, the drug won't filter out immediately, and with a dose as concentrated as Commander T'Pol's, it may take several days. It could also be very painful."

"Is there anything you can do?" Trip asked.

"Well we could reduce some of her symptoms, but it's a trade off. The fever and rapid heart rate aren't symptoms induced by the drug. They're just the Vulcan body's way of getting rid of the drug. Suppressing them may draw out the amount of time it takes for her body to filter all of it out." Phlox paused and looked at Trip, "Because of the tissue damage on her torso and the lasting effect of the drug I believe the best course of action at the moment would be to keep her sedated until the drug has run its course." Trip nodded his head numbly.

He looked at T'Pol's unmoving form on the biobed. Her skin had a greener tinge to it than usual and sweat glistened on her face and chest. The burns that covered her chest and abdomen were more prominent in the harsh lighting of sickbay. Someone gently nudged Trip out of the way and started dressing the wounds. Tears stung at Trip's eyes. She was in pain. He reached out and lightly caressed her cheek.

Phlox put a gentle hand on Trip's shoulder. "It may be best to touch her as little as possible right now. Her nerves are still hypersensitive," Trip nodded. "I still need to check you over, Commander. Come sit down. They'll take care of her."

Trip shook his head. "I'm fine."

Archer noticed Trip's resistance and came to Phlox's aid. "Let Phlox check you out Trip." Archer guided him over to a bed, sat him down, and handed him a pair of sickbay scrubs. "Here." Trip nodded his thanks and put them on. Phlox ran a tricorder over him and then promptly filled a hypo.

"You have two bruised ribs and a minor concussion. They should heal fairly quickly." Phlox smiled slightly. "This is a mild analgesic. It should help with any pain you may be feeling." He pressed the hypo against Trips neck. "Under the circumstances I think it would be best if you got some sleep." Trip visibly stiffened.

"No, I…"

"Commander, when was the last time you slept?"

"I was knocked out a couple of times. S' that count?" he mumbled.

Phlox seemed only mildly surprised. "No," Phlox answered, deadpan. "Your body requires natural sleep and I highly doubt that if that was the only "sleeping" you did, you've had any more than two hours in the last forty-eight. However, if you feel like you'll have trouble sleeping I can give you a very light sedative." Trip glanced hesitantly over to where T'Pol was lying. "We'll monitor her very closely, Commander. No need to worry." Trip scrubbed his hand over his hair. He knew he wasn't going to get out of this.

"Fine," he mumbled. "I'll take the sedative." Archer gave a worried smile and put a hand on Trip's shoulder. Phlox administered another hypo.

"If you like, I can arrange for you to sleep in here so that you may stay with T'Pol."

"No, I'll sleep in my quarters."

Archer was surprised by Trip. He had expected him to want to stay close to T'Pol. Trip glanced mournfully over to where T'Pol was lying then quickly looked away, his face red with shame.

"I don't think she'd want me here," he mumbled as he walked towards the door.

"Trip?" Archer called after him.

"I would recommend that someone escorts Commander Tucker to his quarters. I wouldn't want him to fall asleep walking down the corridors."

"I'll take him. Keep me informed," ordered the Captain.

"Yes, of course."

=/\=

**Three Days Earlier**

"I'm reading a faint energy signal." There was a hint of surprise in T'Pol's voice.

"And you're sure the planet is uninhabited," Archer asked.

"There is every indication of that, yes."

"Do you have any idea where the source is originating from?"

"It seems to be emanating from one of the central continents."

Archer smiled. "Seems like something worth checking out."

"There are definitely unusual qualities about the power signature. It may be from a long dead civilization," T'Pol agreed.

"Malcolm?" Archer inquired.

"I see no obvious threats. However I think it would be prudent to send down a security team, sir."

Archer nodded his head, and then turned his attention back to T'Pol. "Assemble an away team. I want you and Trip. Malcolm I want two of your men." Reed nodded his head in acknowledgement. "And I want Cutler and—what is our new ecologists name?"

"James Hutton," T'Pol supplemented.

Archer nodded his head. "Yes, Hutton."

"Is that everyone, sir?"

"No," Archer grinned and stood up, following T'Pol to the lift. "I'm coming with you. Malcolm you're in command."

"Yes, sir."

And with that Archer left the bridge.

=/\=

The away team set down in two shuttle pods. When Archer stepped out of the pod he was not disappointed. Trip had set them down in a kind of meadow full of tall light green grass and sprinkled with little red flowers. There was the occasional tree that poked out of the meadow. They looked old to Archer, although he knew nothing of the vegetation here. They were big and gnarled with whitish bark and bright orange tiger lily-like flowers. Archer smiled to himself. This was his favorite part. This was why he had joined Starfleet.

Everyone started unloading the shuttle. Equipment and packs were distributed to the correct people, and, when everyone was settled, Archer divided them into two groups.

"Lieutenant Sanders, I want you to go with Commander T'Pol and Trip." Sanders nodded, zipped up his vest, holstered his gun and joined the two officers. "They'll be looking for the power signature. Rudd, you'll be with Cutler and Hutton, and I'll be coming with you." Cutler smiled, but Hutton looked nervous. Archer chuckled, "Discovering new and improved plants seems a hellava lot more interesting than looking for an energy source."

"Your loss, Cap'n." Trip smiled.

Archer briefly stepped back into command mode. "Alright, you all know what you need to do. We'll meet back here in five hours and I want everyone who isn't with me to check in every hour." This last part seemed to be directed at Trip.

He grinned "Aye, sir."

Archer nodded, "Okay, let's go."

=/\=

Three hours later it seemed they were no closer to the energy signature than when they had first started out.

"T'Pol, are you sure we're going the right way?"

"Yes. In fact I believe that we have made considerable progress. However, this energy signature is very strange; it is hard to pinpoint the exact point because it seems to be moving around in a fixed area. Do you have any thoughts as to what may cause this?"

Trip's eyebrows knitted together. "No, there are a couple of possibilities but they seem very unlikely."

One of T'Pol's eyebrow's rose, "And these possibilities are?"

Trip grinned, "I was getting to that. The first thing that comes to mind is that—"

Behind them they heard a loud thud, and a yelp of pain, cutting off Trip's thought.

"Goddammit." Sanders was lying in a heap on the ground clutching his leg. Both Trip and T'Pol were by his side instantly.

"What happened?"

Sanders rolled onto his back, "I wasn't paying attention," he answered embarrassedly, "I tripped in that hole." He pointed to a small but rather deep hole behind him. T'Pol gently examined Sanders' foot.

"It appears to be broken. Trip?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I got it." He rummaged through his back pack until he came across the first aid kit, then he handed T'Pol a hypo.

She nodded to him. "I'll give you something for the pain, then I will wrap it and we will take you back."

"Why don't you just use the transporter?" he asked, his eyes clenched in pain. T'Pol administered the hypo,

"It seems the closer we get to the energy source the more difficult it would be to transport. Once we get you out of range of the energy signature we will have the ship beam you up."

Sanders nodded silently, eyes still shut.

"Would you prefer to rest for a moment before we start back?"

Sanders made no move to get up, "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Alright, then tell us when you're ready." Trip smiled.

T'Pol had come such a long way since the first day he had met her. She had become much better at being sympathetic towards her fellow crew members, and while at first it had been a challenge, now it was something that was just part of who she was. She had mentioned to him once before that she felt closer to the crew than she had felt most of the time with her own people; she felt like she belonged. He started packing his things back into the bag. T'Pol sat next to him and helped him.

"You did a first-rate job, T'Pol," he said with a smile. She gave him a questioning glance. "You were very… gentle." She said nothing, but instead took his hand and lightly squeezed it.

"I think the painkiller has kicked in." T'Pol dropped Trip's hand and turned around to see Sanders sitting up.

"You are ready?" T'Pol asked.

Sanders nodded his head. "Yeah, but I was thinking, we should see where the Captain's team is at. Maybe if they're close they can meet us half way and then take me the rest of the way back. There's really no sense in you losing so much time, if it isn't necessary."

"That's actually not a bad idea, T'Pol."

"I agree."

"You're pretty lucid for a man pumped full of morphine," Trip laughed.

"Thank you, Commander. I have a pretty strong tolerance for the stuff if you know what I mean."

Trip chuckled again then opened his communicator. "Hey, Cap'n, this is Trip."

"Trip, I was just about to check on you. Is everything all right?"

"We've just had a small accident; nothing too serious. How far are you from us?"

"I'm about half a click from your position. What's going on?"

"Sanders took a fall, and it looks like he may have broken his ankle. The transporter doesn't work this close to the energy source so we were wondering if you would meet us half way and take him back."

"Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. We'll meet up in about ten minutes."

"Okay. Hey, Cap'n?"

"Yeah."

"Why were you coming to check on us? We didn't miss a check in."

There was a pause. "Collecting plant samples wasn't nearly as interesting as I had thought it would be."

Trip laughed. "Okay, Cap'n, see you in ten."

=/\=

It actually took them a little more than ten minutes to meet with the Captain; Sanders' ankle had slowed the process slightly. Trip and T'Pol had both helped Sanders walk, a shoulder under each of his arms. He hadn't complained at all, but it had become evident to both of them that by the time they met the captain, he was struggling. Without saying anything, they helped him sit down on the ground and lean back against a tree.

"Thanks," he breathed, leaning his head back on the tree, closing his eyes again. Trip reopened his pack and once again pulled out the med-kit.

"Sanders, you need some more?"

"Hmmm?"

"Morphine. Do you want another shot?"

"No, sir, I'm fine."

Archer laughed. "Is everyone in security as damn stubborn as Malcolm?"

Sanders smiled. "We learn from the best, sir."

Trip tossed the med-kit to Archer. "Well he's going to need it pretty soon."

Archer nodded. "So are you two going back to find the energy source?"

"That's the plan."

Archer smiled. "Speaking of Malcolm, I don't think he'd be too happy if he knew you two are going to be walking around without security."

"I believe he would be more unnerved by the fact that _you_ will be walking around without security."

Archer laughed. "What do you mean, T'Pol, I've got Sanders."

This elicited a snort from the man, "No offense, sir, but I'm not sure if I count right now."

Archer smiled. "Well in any case, the transporter point is only about a click from here." Trip suddenly gave Sanders a worried glance.

"I thought it was a hellava lot closer than that. You think you can make it that far, Sanders?"

"No problem, sir."

Trip turned to T'Pol. "I'm not sure he won't need two people to get him there. I think we should all go back with them."

"Commander, excuse me for saying so, but I did not walk for three hours to not find anything. You and Commander T'Pol go; the Captain and I will be fine."

Trip didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"It's not like this is exactly a life threatening injury. In fact, it never would have happened if I had been watching where I was going." Trip looked torn, so the Captain made the decision for him.

"Sanders said he'll be fine. I'll take good care of him, Trip. You two go on."

"Alright."

"Tell me when you're ready to go, Sanders."

Sanders took a swig of water and wiped his mouth. "I'm ready when you are Cap'n." He smiled.

Trip and Archer helped him up and he situated himself with his arm over the Captains shoulder. Trip slipped the strap of the med-kit over his other shoulder.

"You two better make it back okay or there's going to be hell to pay," he said half jokingly.

"Stop worrying, Trip." And with that the two groups went their separate ways.

=/\=

About an hour and a half had passed and they were finally getting close enough to the energy signature to get a permanent fix on where it was. About an hour earlier the captain had contacted them, informing them that he and Sanders had made it back to the ship okay and that Trip could stop worrying. Now they were only about fifteen minutes walk from the energy signature.

"It seems to be quite impressive in strength," T'Pol said.

Trip nodded in agreement, "It would have to be to throw a dampening field out as far as it has."

"Whoever built this device must have been an evolved race of people." T'Pol tilted her head to the side.

"What is it?" Trip asked

"I believe I heard something."

"Like what?"

"I am not sure but it sounded like voices."

"We're probably meeting up with the other away team," Trip laughed. "They have the whole damn planet and we end up walking up on each other." He sat down abruptly. "I think it's about time for a rest stop."

"I'm going to take some power signature readings."

Trip nodded and took out his canteen; he took a swig of water and offered it to T'Pol. She refused and walked a little ways north of Trip, diligently checking the readings of her tricorder.

Trip picked up the communicator, "This is Trip, I was just checking in to see what was going on. Do you guys need anything?"

"Nope, we're all fine."

"Good we'll meet up with you shortly."

"Sir?"

"You're real close to your location. I thought we could all walk back to the shuttle together."

There was a long pause, "Commander, I'm pretty sure we're on opposite sides of the landing point."

It took a second to process the information.

There was someone here.

Trip shot up and as he did an energy blast and a startled cry came from where T'Pol had been ahead. Trip bolted, running toward the sound.

"T'Pol," he called, and then he saw them. A blue head came into his line of vision.

Andorians!

Trip ran even faster and opened his communicator, "Captain, everyone needs to get up to the ship now!" he barked urgently.

"What's going on Trip?"

"An—" Trip was cut off as an energy blast threw him to the ground, then everything went black.

=/\=

The bridge was frantic.

"Hoshi, get me the transporter room."

She nodded and opened the comm.

"Meyer"

"Meyer," Archer snapped, "beam everyone on the surface back up to the ship."

"Sir?"

"Just do it."

"Yes, sir."

A moment later, "Sir, I have everyone, but I couldn't get a lock on Commanders T'Pol or Tucker."

"Dammit."

Before Archer could say anything else, Malcolm interrupted his train of thought.

"Sir, there is a small cargo ship de-cloaking off our port bow."

"Do you know who it is?"

"I can't be sure. They're going to warp, sir."

"Stop them." No sooner had he said this, the ship jumped out of sight.

"Ensign, lay in a pursuit course."

This time Hoshi was the one to speak, "Sir, what if the Commanders are still on the planet?"

"Then they'll still be there when we get back, but if they're on this ship, we'll lose them if we don't get a move on. It's a calculated risk."

Hoshi looked pained at the thought of leaving her friends behind. "Yes, sir."

"Pursuit course laid in, sir." Mayweather said.

Archer nodded. "Engage."

=/\=

The first thing that Trip noticed was how cold the room was. The fact that the Andorians were cold natured made him hate them all the more. The second thing he noticed was that he was the only one in the room.

"T'Pol?" he called out softly.

When no one answered, he gently eased himself up to a slightly more comfortable position. He checked for injuries and found that he was fine except for a dull throb in his right shoulder. His feet were bound tightly together and his hands were cuffed in front of him.

He noticed something else now – a dim thrumming noise. They were on a ship. A knot of worry formed in his stomach and without his permission thoughts of T'Pol rushed through his head. Where was she? Was she alright? Was she—alive? At this he felt the cool tingle of her in the back of his mind. Although he could feel her, she seemed much too far away to reach. Trip stopped abruptly. Worrying was getting him nowhere. He was about to get up and check the perimeters of his room when two Andorians walked in carrying phase rifles.

"What's going--?"

The taller of the two guards took two quick strides over to where Trip was sitting and cracked the butt of the gun against Trip's face, cutting him off mid sentence and knocking him unconscious. Then the shorter, stockier of the two slung Trip over his shoulder, as if he was nothing more than a limp ragdoll. Both men left the small room, Trip in tow.

=/\=

When he woke up, Trip found himself sitting in a chair. The room he was sitting in was empty except for a small table in the corner and the two Andorians accompanying him. Trip's hands were tied to the rungs on the back of the chair like he was hugging it backward. His ankles were bound together and tied to the underside of the chair, suspending his feet a couple inches from the floor. One of the Andorians holding what looked to be a type of PADD took a step towards him.

"You are Commander Tucker, correct?" he asked calmly.

Trip glared at what he realized would be his interrogator. "Where's T'Pol?" he mumbled.

"Please answer the question, Commander," the Andorian repeated just as calmly as before.

Trip struggled to release himself from the chair. "Dammit. Where's T'Pol?" he shouted this time.

The second Andorian, who until now had done nothing, took a quick stride over to Tucker and struck him across the face. Trip felt his head twist halfway around his neck. Bright little stars formed in his vision, but it wasn't any less than he had expected.

"Cooperation is key here. Answer the question."

"Yes," Trip spat, "I am Commander Tucker."

"And your companion?"

"Commander T'Pol."

"See that wasn't so hard," the Andorian mocked. "What were you doing on Relek'Morr?"

"Where?"

"The planet we found you on. What were you doing there?"

"We were investigating an unknown power source. The planet was uninhabited and we were curious."

"Where did you come from?"

"Earth." The man hit him across the face again. Trip tasted blood in his mouth.

"Do not be smart with me, pink skin." The man seemed momentarily irritated then regained his composure. "What is the name of your ship?"

"That's none of your goddamn business," Trip snarled. This time the Andorian hit him squarely in the gut.

"Tell me anyway."

"Go to hell," Trip gasped. The force of the next blow knocked Trip and the chair to the floor. Trip prepared himself for what was coming, but still cried out when his arm was mashed between the chair and the floor.

"It's a simple question, Commander." Trip thought about it for a moment. They probably already knew where they were from. All they had to do was take one look at their uniforms.

"Enterprise." Trip coughed. "We're from Enterprise."

The interrogator smiled. "Well aren't we lucky. Now tell us about your ship. What kind of weapons does it have? What are the engine specs? What is the frequency of the shields?"

Trip barked out a harsh laugh. "I think you have all the information you're gunna get from me. It was nice talkin' to ya though." He was rewarded by a hard kick in the ribs.

"That is the wrong answer, Commander."

"Well," Trip panted, "I'm…sorry …you feel that way."

The Andorian sighed, "Let's try something else."

The guard pulled Trip's chair back to sitting position. Trip was grateful that the pressure was off his arm but now it throbbed painfully. The Andorian pushed a button on the wall console which Trip assumed to be some kind of comm. unit.

"I'm done here," the Andorian said into the speaker. "Let's see if you can get anything out of him." He cut the channel and turned to Trip.

"I think you'll find yourself wishing you had talked to me. Tholos tends to be much more…imaginative when it comes to keeping a conversation going."

The Andorian smiled then left along with the second man, leaving Trip completely alone. Tholos, he thought to himself. Why did he recognize that name? Then it came to him. It had been their first encounter with Andorians at P'Jem. Tholos had been one of the guards keeping watch over the monks and him.

Trip's thoughts were interrupted as another Andorian he didn't know opened the door, dragging a chair behind him with T'Pol bound to it in a similar manner to Trip. T'Pol was wearing nothing but her undergarments and for the first time Trip realized that so was he. The guard deposited the chair in front of Trip but just far enough away so that their knees weren't touching. T'Pol looked concerned and for a moment Trip was worried until he remembered that he probably looked awful.

He smiled. *I'm fine T'Pol, it's all pretty much superficial.*

T'Pol nodded her head and seemed to relax slightly. Trip looked her over for injury but saw none. *Did they hurt you?*

*No. Until now I have been in a room similar to this; however, I was alone.*

*They know who we are. Where we're from.* T'Pol felt a sudden wave of guilt from him when he said this.

*Trip,* T'Pol comforted, *they knew before you said anything.*

At that moment, Tholos walked in. Trip had been right, Tholos had been at P'Jem. But there was something else he noticed. This was the Andorian that had taken an "interest" in T'Pol. Trip gritted his teeth.

Tholos smiled. "Hello again, Commander Tucker, Sub-Commander." He nodded his head in their respective directions.

"Actually," T'Pol started calmly, "it's Commander now." The Andorian smiled even broader.

"Ah. My apologizes, Commander. Now, I was wondering if you would answer a few of our questions."

"The likelihood of that is very slim, but you may ask them anyway."

His smile twisted into a snarl, "You Vulcans think you're so superior, but you're really just a bunch of gutless cowards," Tholos spat.

"Let us speak to Shran," Trip said abruptly.

The Andorian looked confused for a moment and then laughed. "And what makes you think that Shran is here."

"Last time I checked that was who you were workin' for." Tholos' face became dark and twisted into a snarl once again.

"Shran is as much a coward as the Vulcans he defends. I command here. Our government has become soft. We will mold Andoria to its former glory."

"Shran is wise for wanting peace," T'Pol replied.

"Of course you would think that. The Vulcans have always wanted us as slaves."

"I believe that it was that kind of paranoid thinking that led us to our first war."

"And I believe that it was broken Vulcan treaties that led to our first war; however, that is all in the past," Tholos said suddenly calm again.

"I think right now you need to tell me everything I need to know about your ship."

"We aren't going to tell you anything," Trip snapped.

"That's what you think now, but we haven't tried everything yet. I'm sure there's something that can convince you that it's not worth your silence." Tholos smiled. "And since we've already tried traditional methods I think it's time to try something else."

Tholos pushed the button on the comm. "Come in," he commanded. Moments later another guard walked in carrying a med kit. The guard set his kit on a table and opened it. He then proceeded to fill a syringe with a purplish liquid.

"What are you doing?" Trip inquired angrily. The guard ignored him and injected T'Pol with the serum.

"What is that? What are you doing?" he repeated. The guard left, leaving only Tholos.

The Andorian smiled. "This," he said picking up the half empty vial, "is an ancient Andorian aphrodisiac." The Andorian moved closer to T'Pol. "It works by hyper-simulating all the nerves in the body. As a result the subject feels everything thirty-fold that of which they would normally experience." He took a knife from his pocket and swiftly cut T'Pol's shirt from her leaving her bare chest exposed.

"Don't touch her," Trip growled as he struggled against his restraints. The Andorian just smiled.

"Or you will do what, Commander?" Tholos stepped behind T'Pol and pressed his face in her hair. "You most defiantly do not smell of dust," he said breathily. "Have you ever been raped, Commander?"

T'Pol said nothing, did nothing, but beneath her veneer of calm Trip could feel her disgust, her fear.

"I'll kill you, you bastard," Trip spat.

"Of course you will," Tholos mocked. He ran his hands through her hair and down her neck, caressing her shoulders and finally cupping her breasts.

A shiver went down her spine.

"Stop," she gasped.

Tholos smiled. He removed his hands from her body and leaned close to her ear.

"You see this drug is unique for many reasons," his voice was low, like he was telling her a secret. "Not only does the serum increase sensations of pleasure." Tholos paused and grabbed T'Pol's hand, picking up the knife he had used to remove her shirt. "But it does the same to sensations of pain." He nicked the tip of her finger. T'Pol jerked and her eyes shot open in surprise. It was nothing more than a paper cut but her entire hand ached like fire. Realization settled in and Trip dreaded what was to come.

"We gave you a choice and you resisted us," Tholos spat through his momentarily broken façade of calm. "Now you will pay the consequences."

Tholos picked up something that looked like a small flat shovel except that it glowed a dull orange. Without another word Tholos stepped over to Trip and pressed the hot surface against Trip's arm. Trip gritted his teeth. Nothing more than a grunt left his throat. After what seemed like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than three seconds, Tholos removed the burning metal from his skin. Trip released a breath he hadn't known he was holding. T'Pol gave him a worried glance and in response Trip barely nodded his head.

"Now it's her turn," Tholos said calmly inching toward T'Pol.

Trip thought of her reaction to the small prick on her finger. While the burn hadn't been completely unbearable to Trip, he could only imagine the effect it would have on T'Pol.

"If you touch her, I swear to God, when Enterprise finds us, I'll kill you myself."

"I won't lay a hand on her," Tholos said as he untied one of Trip's hands from the chair. "I think it would be more effective if you did it yourself." A wicked grin spread across the Andorian's face.

It took a moment for Trip to realize what Tholos was asking of him. When he did, all the color drained from Trip's face. "You must be out of your damn mind. I won't do it."

Tholos smiled. "Yes you will."

"What makes you think that?"

Tholos grinned even wider. He un-holstered his gun and put it to T'Pol's head. "Because her life depends on it. Yes, you may argue that we will kill you anyway when you are no longer useful, and you would be right, but you will do it because every moment you two are alive gives your ship more time to find you. So I think you will do exactly as I say, even if that means torturing your Vulcan."

Tholos thrust the burning rod into Trip's hand.

"I will count to three then I won't hesitate to kill her."

Trip looked at T'Pol. He couldn't believe what he was about to do.

"One…"

*I love you.*

"Two…"

*And I you. You must do this, Trip.*

"Three…"

Trip pushed the metal to T'Pol's skin.

=/\=

T'Pol had expected pain but nothing like this. Most pain she could trap in a box and bury in her mind, but this was different. Every barrier she put up was knocked down before it could be at all effective. She forced herself to clamp her mouth tight, to fight the scream forming in her throat, to keep her body from shaking, and she did... the first time. Her heartbeat rang in her ears, faster than she had ever felt it. It made her breathless, dizzy; and she was hot, so hot. Even though her chest was bare and the air was cold, she wanted to crawl out of her skin for fear of suffocating in the heat. Every time she felt that she could breathe, the metal was pressed against her skin again. T'Pol gritted her teeth and shut her eyes, but it was more than she could bear. A violent shiver ran down her body forcing her to convulse in the chair.

When she opened her eyes again she saw Trip's looking back at her. They pleaded with her, begging her to let down her mental barriers, so that he could share her pain, take the burden away from her, but she wouldn't do it.

"Again." Tholos ordered and again she felt the fire. She held it as long as she could but without her consent a strident scream pierced through her lips and rang through the room. Tholos seemed to derive great pleasure from the sound, but it seemed that something broke inside of Trip. He clawed at her barriers, pounding from the outside, begging her to let him in. With every eruption of fire, T'Pol was afraid he would succeed and that Trip would feel the unbearable pain meant only for her. Finally she could hold it no longer, with one final blow, her barriers broke. For a moment she felt Trip, his grief and sorrow for what he was doing but most of all his rage at whom was making him do it.

Then she felt nothing.

=/\=

Then T'Pol disappeared.

Trip's mind reached out for her but felt nothing.

The logical, rational being in front of him was gone.

She was replaced by something feral and unthinking. T'Pol struggled violently against the restraints. They cut into her wrists, making them bleed.

Trip closed his eyes. Again and again he pressed the rod against T'Pol's flesh at the Andorian's command.

The Andorian smiled. "Again," he commanded.

"No."

"Again."

"NO."

"I didn't tell you to stop."

"Please, don't do this," Trip begged.

T'Pol kept struggling at the restraints, hurting herself. She looked at Trip like she didn't know who he was. Trip didn't understand, and it was more than he could bear.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know." Tholos seemed momentarily taken aback, then a wicked smile crossed his face.

"Really?"

"Yes, anything you want to know."

"No."

"What?"

"No. You had your chance and you refused. Now you must suffer the consequences. Don't worry. You'll have your chance to tell me later, but not right now."

"I'll tell you what you want to know if you let her go. If you don't then I won't tell you at all."

"That would be a rather unfortunate choice. If you do that then we'll have to do this all over again."

Trip knew he was defeated.

"This time you will hold it until I say you can stop."

"Please, let her go."

The Andorian's smile broadened. "No. Do it again."

"Please." Tholos repositioned the phaser so that it was mashed against T'Pol's ear. Trip took it as a reminder that he was cooperating under the threat of death, her death

"Again." Tholos repeated.

Trip looked at T'Pol. The burns covered her chest. They were raw, dark green with charred edges. Sweat made her hair wet and covered her body. And her eyes – there was a fear in T'Pol's eyes Trip had never seen before.

"I'm sorry." he cried, and then he touched the rod to her chest, fighting his arm to keep it in place when really all he wanted to do was throw it against the wall. T'Pol cried out in choking sobs. Tholos's grin became wider than ever before.

"Don't move."

Trip kept the rod where it was and tears streamed down his face. T'Pol writhed in the chair, doing everything she could to get away from the pain but she failed.

"Please," Trip begged "let me stop."

"Oh, it's always been your decision, Mr. Tucker."

T'Pol shuddered hard against the chair and she lost consciousness. Trip let the rod drop to the ground and reached out to touch T'Pol as if to assure himself that she was still there, but before he could he was fastened back to his chair. Tholos unbound the unconscious T'Pol and dumped her onto the floor.

"I think that's enough for now. Torture isn't as effective when the victim is unconscious, don't you agree, Commander?"

Trip didn't answer; he simply let his tears slip down his face. A guard walked into the cell carrying a bucket of water and some cloth. Tholos took it.

"Clean her up. I'll be back for more questions later. Perhaps this time you'll be more cooperative." He dropped a bucket of water next to Trip's feet and then quickly unbound him. The guard kept a gun aimed steadily at his head until the two Andorians had left the room.

Trip stared at T'Pol for a moment then removed his own shirt and put it on her. He told himself that is was to protect what he could of T'Pol's modesty, and that was true, but he knew that it was mostly so that he wouldn't have to look at the burns he had inflicted upon her. He gathered her in his arms and began gently wiping her face with the wet cloth, hoping that she would take some comfort from his actions. Trip held her for hours waiting for her to wake up.

Finally she stirred.

"T'Pol?" He held her more tightly, still unable to feel her.

She pushed herself away from him, "_No more. I know nothing._"

Trip reached out to her. "I don't understand." She flinched backward before he could reach her.

"_NO_!" T'Pol screamed, her face became dark and threatening. "_If you come any closer I will kill you._"

Trip's brow furrowed in confusion. "Please calm down. You need to rest," he said gently. Her behavior was so unnatural. It was not a piece of T'Pol he had ever seen, or even imagined seeing. She was staring at him like a trapped animal. Trip was afraid he had killed T'Pol and that this was all that was left. He gently grabbed her wrist. She seemed like she had meant to struggle against his grip, when instead she collapsed in his arms. Trip lowered them both to the floor. Her eyes were clamped shut and her body shook hard in his arms.

"T'Pol?" he called frantically, "What's happening, what's wrong?" Then it stopped as quickly as it had happened. Her eyes seemed unfocused for a moment, but then locked on Trip's. He looked down at her in confusion. T'Pol reached out and took his face in her hands as if she finally recognized him.

"Trip," she said gently, then, once again, slipped into unconsciousness.

Tears of relief welled in Trip's eyes. She was still there. He could feel her again too – a cold mixture of pain and logic. He pushed it far back in his mind, unable to deal with the effects of his actions.

It was obvious to Trip that there would be no escaping. T'Pol was in bad shape. They had no weapons, no tools, were massively outnumber, and under constant guard.

Trip held T'Pol in his arms, resigned to the fact that the only chance they had was rescue, and that that chance was very slim.

=/\=

Lieutenant Reed motioned for his team to follow him. They had finally found Trip and T'Pol three days after the attack. The Andorians had taken them to some moon near the Manaar system. The only reason they had found them was because Hoshi had picked up a communications signal. It was a small ship but too large to fit in their shuttle bay. After knocking out their weapons and engines it had taken them under five minutes to board the ship by way of shuttle pod.

Upon entering the vessel it became evident that this was nothing more than a small insurgent group. The security was nowhere near as stiff as it had been on Shran's vessel. Even though it should have been evident that they were going to board the ship, Malcolm's team was met by no more than six armed Andorians, all of which were taken down with ease. Malcolm ordered one of his men to tie up the unconscious Andorians while the rest were ordered to follow him. He knew this ship held a complement of somewhere between twelve and twenty-four men. However, based on their welcoming party, Malcolm suspected it was closer to twelve than the latter.

"Spread out in twos and secure the ship. Sanders you're with me. We're going to find our crewmembers. Everyone check in with me if you come across anything unusual." With that Malcolm pulled out a scanner. Two little blips formed on the screen, one was Human and the other Vulcan.

"This way," he commanded.

A moment later they reached the room indicated on the scanner. It only took Malcolm a moment to break the lock securing the door. The first thing he saw when he walked in the door was Trip sitting in the corner with T'Pol in his arms. His grip instinctively tightened on T'Pol, but relief flooded over his face when he realized who it was. From what Malcolm could see T'Pol looked like she was sleeping but Trip looked awful. One of his eyes was swollen shut and his lip was split.

"Did you bring Phlox?" Trip croaked. Malcolm shook his head, and hurried over to his friend.

"We didn't want him out here until we had secured the area."

"Get him down here now."

"You're on a ship, Trip. We haven't gotten them to put their shields down. He'll have to come over on a shuttle pod."

"I don't have time for this; we're taking her back now." Trip moved to get up.

Malcolm put a gentle hand on his friends shoulder.

"Calm down Trip. It's ok now."

"Don't tell me to calm down. She hasn't moved in the last four hours and I don't know what the hell they gave her." Malcolm glanced at T'Pol and realized that perhaps she wasn't sleeping.

"Malcolm we need to get her back now," he reiterated.

"Okay, we'll take you in the shuttle, and once were out of range of the shields I'll beam you back to the ship.

Trip nodded his head and moved to pick up T'Pol. As he lifted her a pained grunt escaped his lips. Malcolm decided that Trip had broken a couple of ribs and stopped him before he could further aggravate his injuries.

"It's okay, Trip. I've got her." As he shifted T'Pol from Trip's arms over to his own her shirt rode up, exposing her bare torso. Malcolm hadn't expected what he saw. "Bloody hell." Trip turned away, unable to look at the damage.

Malcolm carried T'Pol all the way to the shuttle. Trip walked in front of him, looking completely defeated.

As soon as they got to the shuttle Malcolm laid T'Pol on one of the back seats and pulled out two blankets. He covered T'Pol with one of them; the other he gave to a shivering Trip. He started up the shuttle and pulled out of the bay. As soon as they were in range, Malcolm had them beamed to Enterprise. Phlox had a medical team waiting for them. Trip helped Phlox place T'Pol on the gurney and they all moved on to sickbay.

=/\=

**Present Time**

Trip sat down on the corner of his bed and stared down at the floor. Archer sat in the desk chair and watched him for a moment. "I'm ordering you to take three days' rest." Trip nodded his head without looking away from the floor. "I'm sure T'Pol's going to be fine. Phlox said that she should make a full recovery and that scarring will be minimal." Trip stayed silent. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Trip seemed to snap out whatever it was he was in. "Listen, Jon. I'm really tired. Maybe we could talk later." He gave him a small smile.

"Sure thing, Trip. Get some rest. If you need anything, just ask."

"Thanks, Cap'n"

Archer smiled and turned to leave when he stopped.

"We're all glad you're home and safe."

"Yeah."

Archer nodded and left.

=/\=

Trip wasn't sure what had made him come, but now he found himself standing in the brig with nothing between him and Tholos but a piece of glass. In front of him stood the man that had caused T'Pol pain, the man who had threatened her with everything from rape to death, the man who had forced Trip to do horrible things to the most important person in his life.

When Tholos saw who it was, he smiled. Trip stood silently in front of him.

"Come to pay me a visit, Commander?"

Trip turned around to leave; now regretting his decision to come.

"I'm surprised you're not with your pretty little Vulcan."

Trip stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, blood boiling.

Tholos, seeing he had gotten a reaction out of Trip, smiled.

"That is if she'd even let you have her now. On Andoria it's considered dishonorable to let harm come to the person you call your own. And after what you did to her—"

It was all Trip could take. He pounded the door control. The smile on the Andorian's face disappeared. Trip took one quick stride over to where the man was standing and slammed his fist into his face. Tholos fell to the ground. Trip followed him down hitting him again and again.

"Commander!" a voice from behind called.

Trip grabbed Tholos from behind, securing him in a choke hold.

"Commander, release the prisoner now, or I will be forced to stun you."

Trip made no move to let go of Tholos for a moment, then he let the man drop to the ground.

"You're not even worth it," he spat. He walked out of the cell and let the door slide shut behind him.

"Commander, I have to make a report of this incident to the Captain, and it's standard procedure to escort you to your quarters and confine you there."

Trip nodded his head.

"I'm sorry, Commander." The guard looked torn.

"It's fine," Trip mumbled, "I don't care anymore."

=/\=

Archer entered Trip's quarters an hour after the incident and Trip was still steaming. He paced his quarters back and forth.

"Trip, cruel punishment of a prisoner is a serious offence. How could you jeopardize your career over this?"

"How can you look at it that way?" Trip shouted. "He's not a prisoner; he's a monster. Have you been to sickbay lately? Did you see what they did to her?"

"Yes, Trip. I know this is hard for you, but I still can't have you attacking prisoners."

"We should shove him out the airlock." Trip looked anguished. He stopped pacing and sat down on his bed, running his hand through his hair. Archer sat next to him.

Archer put his hand on his friend's knee. "If it was up to me that's exactly what we would do," Archer said gently. "Trip, do you want to talk about it?"

Trip blew a breath out. "I...no. Jon, I just need a little time to deal with this on my own. I'll give you a full report soon, but I just… I can't do it right now."

Archer was a little hurt that his friend felt he couldn't talk to him, but he also knew that Trip never talked about it, at least not at first. Given time, he would open up. "I understand, Trip. You'll be released from your quarters in the morning." Archer smiled. "But I would suggest you don't go near the brig until we drop him off. And don't worry about the charges. I explained to the Admiral that the prisoner resisted arrested when we captured him. Things got a bit rough. He understands completely."

Trip gave Archer a slight smile. "Thanks, Jon."

"No problem and Trip if you need someone to talk to..."

"You'll be the first to know."

Archer returned the smile. "Goodnight, Trip."

"Goodnight, Cap'n"

=/\=

Her eyes, wide, stared at his. Her screams filled his ears. The smell of burned flesh suffocated him.

Trip woke up in a cold sweat, trapped in his sheets. He tore himself from their clutches but it wasn't quick enough to prevent him from throwing up on the floor. Every night, the same awful sounds. Every night he was forced to relive T'Pol's pain, T'Pol's fear. His hands shook so he clenched them into fists.

He had to see her, to make sure that she was still there.

He walked barefoot to sickbay, careful not to make any noise. When he walked in the door, Phlox was nowhere to be seen. He must have been out for a late night snack.

Trip saw the lone curtain shutting T'Pol off from the world. He went to where he knew she would be. Her face looked so peaceful, so different from the eyes that followed him in his dreams. He took her hand and held it in his own. Tholos had been right; she would reject him when she awoke. Everyone would see him for the monster he was. They would see what his weakness had brought.

Everyone would finally understand.

Everyone would finally hate him as much as he hated himself.

He was about to leave when Phlox walked in the door. Trip rubbed his eyes

"Sorry, Doc" he said his voice hoarse. "Couldn't sleep."

Phlox smiled gently then administered a hypo. "That should do it. Now try to get some sleep."

Trip nodded and left.

Phlox sadly shook his head and went to check T'Pol's vitals.

=/\=

Trip knew that Phlox had wanted him to take a light duty shift, but the thought of sitting in his quarters was unsettling. Anytime he let his mind wander he saw her eyes. The way they had looked at him, not knowing who he was but feeling everything he did. He hadn't seen T'Pol since he left sickbay. He was afraid of how she might see him the next time they were close. That, however, wasn't an issue at the moment.

Trip had thought up enough work in engineering that he could work for a week without sleeping and barely get it all finished. All to increase efficiency was what he had told the Captain. He had left out that it would only be by three or four percent.

He needed to balance the matter/antimatter chamber, re-sequence the engine start-up codes, recalibrate the engine power grid, and pipe the excess energy into the main power conduits. Hell, he would even scrub the impulse manifolds if it meant that he could stay in engineering.

At the moment he was doing crew evaluations. Trip absolutely hated crew evaluations. Every person in his engine room was accomplished in his or her field of study. It seemed pointless to judge the best of the best at what they did. There was nothing to compare it to. Trip decided he needed a break, besides he hadn't checked up on Hanley and Tarver in a while.

He walked over to where they were working. A recent power fluctuation had burned out a few conduits in the engine status station. From the angle Trip was standing you could only see Tarver's body from the hips down sticking out from the underside of the programming station. Hanley was standing at the station uninstalling and reinstalling the programming as quickly as Tarver could repair the individual conduits. They chattered happily to each other. Trip smiled; he liked to see his people happy. He knew each and every one of them loved their job just as much as he did.

"How are things coming along, crewman?" he asked Hanley.

She smiled. "We're just about finished, I think." She knocked the station's wall with her foot. "Hey, Tarver you just about finished down there?"

"Argh, do you know how loud that is down here?" he groused. "Yeah, everything's just about done."

Hanley giggled. "Well, Chief, looks like--" Suddenly, the station's control panel exploded.

Tarver moved out of the station faster than he thought possible. Hanley covered her face with her hands and screamed. Trip, seeing that Tarver was ok, went to were Hanley was standing.

"Sylvia, you're ok. Hold still. Your sleeve is on fire." Trip quickly batted it out with his hand. She was crying and still holding her face. Trip took her by the shoulders and comforted her.

"You're ok," he repeated. She calmed down and looked him in the face. A familiar scent assaulted Trip's nose.

Burned flesh.

Anger swelled within him and his face paled.

"Crewman Moore," he called, "take Sylvia to sickbay. Have Doctor Phlox check her out."

The man took Sylvia by the arm, and led her away. Trip turned to face Tarver. The man was not prepared for the anger he saw in Tucker's eyes.

"What the hell was that?" Trip growled.

"I-I don't know what happened, sir."

"You know what happened? You weren't paying attention and you screwed up."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Damn right you're sorry," Trip fumed. "You're a sorry excuse for an engineer. You could have gotten Sylvia killed because of your carelessness."

All of engineering had stopped what they had been doing and looked in Trip's direction. It was uncommon to receive a chewing out by the commander, especially so publicly.

"You're relieved from duty, Crewman, and confined to quarters until further notice." Tarver's jaw dropped; he was speechless.

"**Now, C**rewman," Trip ordered.

Tarver stood motionless for a moment longer then turned smartly around, and left engineering.

"Get back to work!" Trip barked. His silent audience turned around and resumed whatever work they were doing.

=/\=

Trip walked into sickbay. He immediately saw Sylvia sitting on one of the biobeds. Phlox was just about finished doing whatever he was doing.

"How are you doing Sylvia?" Trip asked.

She gave a little smile. "I burned my hand pretty bad, but Doctor Phlox says I'll be fine."

"Yes, it would be a good idea not to use your hand for the next couple days, but I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to return to duty."

Trip placed a hand gently on her shoulder. "Why don't you just take the rest of the day off?"

She smiled again, this time a little bit bigger. "Thanks, Chief." Then she turned to face Phlox. "Are we all done here?"

"Yes, Crewman, you're free to go."

She thanked the doctor and left.

Trip turned to Phlox. "She's lucky. That could have been a lot worse."

"Yes, but it wasn't," Phlox said cheerily.

Trip turned to leave but spotted the curtain that T'Pol was behind. His heart dropped into his stomach. Phlox noticed Trip's change in demeanor.

"She's resting comfortably, Commander."

Trip just stared at the curtain.

"You can see her if you like."

Trip remained silent for a while longer then looked down. "No, I gotta get back to work."

Phlox took a step towards Trip. "Is there something you want to talk about, Commander?"

"No," Trip smiled a tired smile. "I'm fine, Doc. Thanks."

"If there's anything you need, Commander." Trip nodded, and then went back to engineering.

=/\=

After Trip's shift in engineering he went straight to his quarters. He was tired and didn't really feel like talking to anyone. He took a quick shower and was just about to go to bed when someone buzzed his door.

"Come in." he called. It was Malcolm. "To what do I owe this honor?" Trip asked, cramming as much sarcasm as he could into one sentence.

"Trip, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since you got back you haven't talked to anyone. Then you confine one of your men to his quarters for no reason."

"There was a reason. Besides, that's none of your business."

"Chief of Security, sir. Remember?"

"Malcolm, what do you want?"

"You know I had one of your engineers look into the explosion. It turns out that—"

"It was a power spike in the main power grid. Yeah, I know."

"Then why haven't you released him from his quarters. It wasn't his fault."

Trip's face turned red. "Because he endangered a member of my crew," he roared. "One of my people – my responsibility."

Malcolm had never seen Trip this angry. He didn't quite understand it.

"Get the hell out of here, Lieutenant," Trip growled emphasizing his rank.

Malcolm stood silent for a moment watching Trip, not quite sure what to say. Then he left.

=/\=

When T'Pol woke up in sickbay, she at first felt some residual terror, but it quickly passed.

She was home.

Phlox immediately was next to her checking her readings.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gently.

T'Pol ignored him. "Where is Trip?"

"He's in engineering. He sustained no major physical injuries."

"Has he talked to anyone about what happened?"

Phlox looked sad. "No. He was very worried about you though, and with good cause. You have been through quite an ordeal."

"I need to speak to him immediately."

Phlox went to the comm and dialed engineering.

"Tucker."

"Commander, this is Phlox."

"Is T'Pol all right?"

He smiled. "Calm down, Mr. Tucker, she just woke up. She wants to speak with you."

"Oh...I got a lot of stuff I got to finish up down here. You think I can come by later?"

Phlox had expected Trip to be excited. Instead his voice seemed to be pitched with fear.

"Normally I would say yes but the Commander seems to think that it's of the utmost importance that she sees you immediately."

There was a pause on the other end. "Ok, I'll be down there in a minute."

Ten minutes later, Trip walked through the door.

As soon as he saw T'Pol all the color drained from his face. He went to her side and moved to touch her, but then pulled his hand away.

"I'm so sorry," was the only thing he could think to say.

"This is not your fault."

"Yeah it is." Trip shook his head, "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for what I did."

"You don't have to. You did nothing wrong. You did what the circumstances required."

Trip smiled weakly, "I just can't see it that way."

"You are still my ashal'veh." She took his hand; "You are the person I trust above all others."

"You don't understand."

"Let me understand."

Trip let down his barriers, his thought and feelings flooded her mind. When her eyes widened in shock, Trip pulled the barriers back up and turned away.

"They are very… strong."

"I just need some time."

"I understand."

And with that he left sickbay.

=/\=

Trip was going over power signature readings when he heard his door chime.

"Come in." he grumbled.

"Commander."

Trip turned around to look at his visitor. It was Malcolm. "What do you want now, Malcolm?"

"Trip, when was the last time you had a proper meal?"

"What are you my babysitter now? I was going to pick something up on the way to engineering."

"Chef says you've been skipping meals. You didn't even come and get a piece of pie last night."

"So you're checking up on me?"

Malcolm paused for a moment. Any trace of joking was erased from his voice. "Trip, you aren't handling this very well."

Trip stood up "What are you talking about? I'm fine."

"Trip..."

"Listen, Malcolm, I appreciate the sentiment....and I'm sorry for blowing up on you the other night, but I'm fine. I really don't…"

Malcolm cut him off. "You haven't said a word to anyone. Andorians aren't exactly known for their fair treatment of prisoners. You had two cracked ribs and T'Pol was a bloody mess..."

Before Malcolm could finish, Trip whirled around and struck him in the jaw, Trip's face was pinched with anger. Malcolm, not expecting the blow, was caught off balance and landed on the bed. He reached up and rubbed the new found sore spot.

"Bloody hell, Trip."

Trip moved his face millimeters away from Malcolm's. "There was nothing I could do," he growled.

Malcolm was startled by the amount of hate he saw in Trip's face. "I never said it was your fault, Trip," Malcolm said gently. "Calm down." He reached out a put a hand on Trip's shoulder.

Trip's face relaxed, no longer marred by anger or hate. He sat down next to Malcolm and put his head in his hands.

"I know you're going through a hard time right now. I just wanted to let you know that there are a lot of people on this ship willing to talk to you, myself included."

"I don't want to talk to anyone."

"What about T'Pol?"

Trip barked out a curt, harsh laugh. "She sure as hell wouldn't want to talk to me."

"You two have experienced similar ordeals..." Trip didn't say anything. His friend lowered his voice. "Trip, why have you been avoiding T'Pol?"

"I'm not avoiding her."

"You two haven't said two words to each other since you got back. Did you ever think she might need someone to talk to?"

"She wouldn't want to talk to me."

"Why not?"

Trip rocked slowly back and forth on his elbows. "Because it was me," he said it so low Malcolm barely heard him.

"Trip?"

He turned his head and gripped the bed digging his fingernails into the mattress. "All of you come and check on me, make sure I'm okay, but you know what? I should be in the brig right alongside that blue bastard." His voice was tight and thick with emotion. "Every burn and blister on her chest is my doing." He turned his head to see Malcolm's reaction. There was surprise but there was no disgust. Trip's eyes filled with tears. "I did that."

"Why?" Malcolm's voice was calm.

"It doesn't matter why. I betrayed her in a way that no one else could."

"It does matter, Trip."

Trip began to sob, deep gasping sobs. "They said they would kill her. So I did it. She screamed every time I touched her. She wouldn't let me near her mind. She endured it all alone."

"What is your fault in this?"

"I should have fought harder. I should have escaped. I should have protected T'Pol. But I didn't do any of those things."

"Trip, I'm confident that you did everything you could. Sometimes there's just no out to a situation."

"I can't just go talk to her. When she woke up, I told her I couldn't' be around her. After I hurt her, I rejected her. And she let me go. I've been selfish and cowardly and I don't see any way of fixing any of this."

Malcolm squeezed Trip's shoulder. "How will you ever know unless you talk to her? T'Pol is a…logical person. I don't think she'll see the situation the same way you do." Trip stayed silent. "Before I was stationed on Enterprise I worked for a different kind of people. I was still in security; it was just different. My partner and I were on this job and things went badly because of a mistake I made. He suffered the consequences."

"Did he ever forgive you?"

"He died."

"I'm sorry, Mal."

Malcolm shook his head, "It was a long time ago, but it took me a long time to let it go or take on another partner."

"Did you ever forgive yourself?"

"It took a very long time," Malcolm was staring at Trip's wall like it was a movie playing the memories in his head, then he turned back to Trip. "But I believe things would have been different if I had had a chance to talk to him, to ask him for forgiveness. You have that opportunity. Don't waste it. Work through what you're feeling with her."

Both men were silent for a moment. "Thanks, Mal."

Malcolm shrugged his shoulders. "It's what friends do. Now I demand that you come and eat something with me."

Trip got up and slipped his shoes on. "Alright." Trip stopped, "Hey, Mal?"

"Yeah."

"Where did you work before Enterprise?"

"It's irrelevant."

Trip nodded his head, "Okay," he agreed following Malcolm out the door.

=/\=

T'Pol walked into engineering, scanning the room for Trip. She understood that he felt responsible for what had happened on the planet, but it had been a week. She hadn't seen him in the mess hall at any of his usual times and every time she went by his quarters there was no answer. T'Pol was worried about her mate. Even though he had been keeping his feelings close to himself for the past week or so, she could feel the tickle of them in her mind, and they felt cold. He had taken the situation on the planet and transferred all of his energy into blame. He blamed himself for being captured, he blamed himself for their delayed rescue, and he blamed himself for T'Pol's injuries. He didn't see things the way she did. For her, the incident just was. For him, he was nothing but a tool used to cause her pain. No part of Trip had intentionally caused her harm; he just couldn't get past the action of it.

Finally she caught a glimpse of Trip coming out of his office. He glanced in her direction and immediately their eyes locked. Everything around her disappeared. She missed him so much, and she needed him. T'Pol migrated to where Trip was standing while he stood frozen in place. He was tensed like he wasn't sure if he should run or not. T'Pol frowned slightly. She was so engrossed in his gaze that she didn't notice the woman walking towards her. Crewman Kelly was talking to someone behind her, carrying an armful of PADD's, and she didn't notice T'Pol either.

Until she walked right into the woman.

Something which typically wouldn't have caused T'Pol anything more than an irritated glance at the crewman, now sent fire shooting through her abdomen. She inhaled sharply, and her arm went out to the nearest wall to steady herself. Trip saw what had happened and was swiftly next to T'Pol.

"Are you all right, Commander?" the woman asked. T'Pol nodded.

She felt Trip gently grip her arm and lead her away. It was nice to feel his support. She felt something else too.

"It was an accident, Trip. Do not be angry with her." Trip didn't look at her. His eyes were glued to the entrance of his office, but he nodded his head. As soon as he opened the door to his office he seated T'Pol in a chair then sat down next to her. They were both silent for a bit.

"Are you all right?"

T'Pol took a deep breath and closed her eyes, and then she nodded her head. "I'm fine, Trip."

"I was afraid you were going to pass out for a minute."

"You have not spoken to me in six days."

Trip looked at his feet then glanced back at T'Pol. "I know, I'm s- Oh, my god, T'Pol you're bleeding."

T'Pol looked down and saw a small dark stain covering her stomach. Trip got up and went to his desk, then he pulled out a clean towel.

"I'm taking you to Phlox," he said finally.

"Trip, it's alright, I just re-opened one of the wounds. I have what I need in our quarters."

"Then I'll take you there." He grasped her arm once again leading her through engineering, paying careful attention when anyone was in close proximity to her. They got back to their quarters safe and un-bumped. She entered her lock code and went inside. Trip seemed hesitant to follow.

"I want to speak to you," she pleaded with him. Trip followed her inside. T'Pol went to get the clean bandages when Trip stopped her.

"Sit down," he said gently. "I'll get them for you."

She obeyed and a couple of seconds later he came back in carrying the gauze and disinfectant. She unzipped the top of her uniform and slid it down to her waist. Then she lifted up her undershirt far enough so that she could reach the wound. Blood had already soaked completely through the gauze bandage.

"Are you sure you don't need Phlox?" Trip asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I had to do this once last night."

Trip flinched. "I'm sorry I haven't been here," he said finally.

"I have a basic understanding as to why, however, your hesitation was unnecessary. Trip I never for one second thought of you as the one who hurt me."

Trip looked silently at her. "I did."

T'Pol removed the soiled bandage and lay down on her back. She applied pressure to the opened burn until it stopped bleeding. "Did you think that perhaps you made the wrong choice in avoiding me?" she asked calmly.

"Yes," Trip answered softly. "But every time I see you all I can see is what I did to you… how you looked at me, the fear, the pain. I wonder to myself why you don't see it too."

"You don't trust that I'm telling you the truth."

"I think you're blinding yourself. I hurt you, T'Pol." Moisture clouded his vision. "I hate myself for what I did. I betrayed you, and I don't understand why you don't hate me too."

T'Pol could suddenly take no more. She couldn't bear to let Trip agonize over something like this.

"I have something to show you."

T'Pol rolled over and pinned him to the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"You are not to blame."

Trip struggled against her grip. "Let me go."

"NO. Look." T'Pol released one of Trip's arms, her hand flew to his face.

They were back in the cell T'Pol was tied to the chair.

"No, T'Pol. I don't want to see this," Trip begged. "Please, let me go."

"You need to see this!" T'Pol demanded.

Pain filled Trip's mind then something warm and comforting. It was familiar somehow.

"What happened?"

"You were protecting me."

"What? I didn't do anything."

"It took me a long time to realize what happened. Another instance like this has only been recorded once in Vulcan history."

"What happened? I don't understand."

"Remember this."

The image changed. T'Pol struggled against her restraints and bared her teeth.

"Yes," Trip answered softly.

"I wasn't there."

"I don't understand."

"You took me from my body. I was two separate entities. You enveloped my katra in your mind and pulled it to yourself. I felt nothing. You took me from my pain and housed me here." T'Pol touched Trip's forehead.

"How could I have done that?"

"I do not completely understand the phenomena myself, but it is what happened. Your mind subconsciously recognized that there was nothing you could do to prevent the physical pain you were going to inflict. Since a Vulcan's mate's strongest instinct is to protect the other from any harm in any fashion possible, taking me from my physical self was the only option left to you. Because you are human you did not feel yourself take me, and because of the Vulcan bond we share you cannot forgive yourself for the pain you feel you inflicted on me. However, the truth of the matter is that you didn't. You protected me."

Trip was silent for awhile, surprise spread across his face, "In the cell…"

"What?"

"You were speaking in Vulcan and screaming at me. Then I touched you and you collapsed. It felt like electricity had gone through me. At first I- I was afraid that you were dying." Trip's voice broke but he managed to continue: "But then you said my name and I could feel you again."

T'Pol nodded, "That was when I returned to my body."

"I protected you," Trip said firmly like he was convincing himself. A small smile came to his lips.

T'Pol nodded again. "You protected me. Now, release your guilt."

Although out of his control, Trip began to sob. He sunk to the floor of the cell and his tears pooled at his feet, black and inky.

T'Pol held him close. "That is the poison you were carrying."

Trip nodded and realized they were still in the cell. "Can we leave?"

"Yes, we are finished here."

T'Pol removed her hand from his face, and Trip wiped his eyes. "I need to get back to engineering," he said gently. T'Pol nodded her head but seemed slightly upset. "I'll come back as soon as my shift ends," he said. He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "I love you… so much."

"And I you, ashal'veh."

=/\=

Trip felt lighter than he had in almost two weeks.

As he walked into engineering, he spotted Tarver.

"Tarver," he called, "I need to talk to you."

The crewman dropped what he was doing and walked over to Trip. "Yes, sir?"

"Hey, I need everyone's attention!" Trip shouted. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him. He turned his attention back to Tarver. "I want to formally apologize to you. Even if the incident had been your fault, which it wasn't, I had no right to give you a dressing down in front of your colleagues. I respect you as a man and as a member of this crew, and I want you to know that I know I was wrong."

Tarver seemed stunned for a moment. "Thank you, sir."

Trip smiled. "No problem, you all can get back to what you were doing now."

Trip went back to his office to finish scheduling the shift changes when he heard a knock on his door. It was Hess. Trip smiled at her as she entered.

"That really meant a lot to him, you know. He really respects your opinion."

"Yeah, I should have done it a lot sooner."

"We all understand why you didn't though." Trip stopped what he was doing. Hess smiled, "We know you, Trip. We've been on this ship for a long time. We know how you deal with trouble. You keep everything inside and then you lash out. We get that. Didn't you notice the incredible amount of paper work that popped up when you came back? That kept you in your safe little office away from people." She laughed and Trip joined her.

"You're always looking out for me." He gave her a hug.

"You're always looking out for us. We're glad you're back."

"Yeah, me too."

She smiled again and left him with what was left of his incredible amount of paper work.

When he was finished with the last of it, he went back to their quarters just as he had promised.

He held T'Pol in his arms with her head against his chest and everything felt right.

******************************************************************************

THE END

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End file.
